It is hard for me to imagine that 2 years ago, I posted a blog entry about my Daddy's failing health. In light of where my Daddy's health is right now, I really am in emotional bankruptcy again.
But once again, my friends and my God continue to "deposit" in me a sense of peace and strength for the day.
I am publishing my other "Daddy" post here again so I can be reminded of his faithfulness both then and now.
I am publishing my other "Daddy" post here again so I can be reminded of his faithfulness both then and now.
p.s The one picture is of my father when he graduated from the State Police Academy (He looks too nice and handsome to write anyone a ticket). And the other picture I took of him 2 years ago when I first wrote of his health issues.
Emotional Bankruptcy
It is very distressing when people you love are struggling. For me, it is much harder to watch my family members struggle than when I am in a struggle myself. I would much rather be the one that is suffering. I am a people pleaser by nature. I like to make other's load seem lighter. It is what I am wired to do. And when it is what you are wired to do and yet you cannot seem to fix it--it is very overwhelming.
My father has so many struggles. A heart condition, diabetes, lymphoma, a degenerated hip that cannot be fixed, some dementia and a new diagnosis of Alzheimers. His hip causes him so much pain that he has a implanted pain pump that delivers enough meds to knock over a large cow, I'm sure..and yet, he still has pain. He has to augment this pain pump with oral pain meds from time to time which only adds to his moods being altered.
My father's struggles dominate the life of my stepmom who is his caregiver. Her days are filled with caring for him and little time to herself. Most of the time she is up to the task. Some days, she just can't take it anymore. Recently, that has been the case. And as his children, we have been left with the panic and anxiety that goes along with sorting out the future. Many questions. Many concerns for both Daddy and Momma Mary.
I feel like I am plunging into emotional bankruptcy.
I watched my mother fight leukemia for 10 years as my father held the role of caregiver. I didn't think I would survive her death. I literally thought it would cost me my life, the inability to take my next breath without my Mom. Of course that is not the case, God gives live and breath. But it is how I felt. I was a young single Mom and very desperate at the thought of losing her. And now, I am here watching my Daddy struggle in the same way.
In it all, THANK YOU God for gently reminding me of these things:
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Josh. 1:9
"Blessed be GOD- he heard me praying. He proved He's on my side; I've thrown my lot in with Him Now I'm jumping for joy and shouting and singing my thanks to Him." Psalm 28:7 (Msg)
"Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10b
"I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121;1-2
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Phil. 4:6-7
Thank you God for making deposits into my soul through your Word and saving me from certain emotional bankruptcy.
