Life~Jackie Style

I just want to buy applejuice

2011-08-07T13:00:00.000-07:00

Since my return from Macedonia, I have been out of sorts. But I should not be surprised by this. I have done this many times. I have traveled to many countries on mission only to return home very discontent. Surrounded by all the things that should make me content, I am very discontented.

You know what I mean, right? You have heard this before, right? I am not the only person that when faced with injustice and grave poverty, finds life back home DIFFICULT.

Some say, "but Jackie, we have poverty and injustice here"...at home. And yes, I would agree. Fully agree. But can I put a few things in perspective for you? Actually. Let me tell you a story. A story of a young woman who happens to be a good friend of mine. She has spent the last two years of her life living in a country that has a poverty level that we cannot imagine. Even in our poorest of poor areas, we cannot imagine. And culturally she was as about as far from home as any young female could be. She lived in a city where women have no class. They do not count. Young female babies are disposable. And I mean LITERALLY. (if your mind takes you to the worst thought imaginable, you are correct)

Only men count.

And my friend...she was happy. She loved the people. They became her family. She worked hard to show the love of Jesus to everyone she met. She taught English. She played with children. She loved on the women. She spoke of faith and life. She immersed herself in the life there.

And then she came home.

I had the chance to sit down with her. At Sweet Frogs to be exact. Ironic. A place where you can indulge in the sweetest of fare. As much as you want. Made anyway you want it. You choose. (ummm, I digress.....)

My first question to my friend was this:
"What is the hardest thing about being back"?

Her reply confused me.
"I just want to buy applejuice."

WHAT?

And then she explains.

Shortly after she had gotten home, she went to the grocery store. She wanted some applejuice. But she found herself standing on the juice isle completely overwhelmed. There were so many to choose from! 100% juice. Vitamin C added. From Concentrate. Fresh, never frozen. Mott's, Muscleman's, Juicy Juice, Welch's, Treetop, Old Orchard. Shelves and shelves of it. Large. Small. Individual servings. You can even go get some already chilled for you. Ready now. Disposable.

I just wanted some applejuice.

Overabundance. Disposable. Sitting on shelves. Easily acquired. Easily taken (for granted).

It wrecked her. It wrecks me.

These are the feelings and struggles I have when I come home. And my friend had lived it for two years. We have so much. At our fingertips. And it requires so little of us.

Lift it off the shelf. Purchase. Consume. Repeat.

I struggle with other things as well. I struggle to wrap my head around the "work" I do while I am away on one of these trips.

Did my work count?
In a month, will anyone even know we were there?
What about a week?
Did I do all I could do to show the love of Christ?

I may not ever know.

But this is my hope for me:
-that I never take anything for granted. ever.
-that I live everyday THANKFUL that I know God and He knows me.
-that I remember but for the grace of God, I would be nothing.
-that everyday and in every way, I see people and the world as God sees them.
-that God never EVER lets me forget the truths above.

And this is my hope for the Roma that we served:
-that for a few days, you experienced life without predjudice
-that for a week, your stomachs were full
-that for a few hours, you forgot your burdens
-that for a priceless two days, you had your first vacation. ever. And you felt like a king!
-that you were pampered with face creams and nail polish and you felt beautiful.
-that you danced to some silly songs and felt carefree
-that as the man of the house, you could enjoy your family without worry of      where your next paycheck/meal/shelter was coming from

My prayer is this:
-that for a lifetime, you will know that there is a God who loves you
-that for eternity, you would know Jesus as your savior.
-that I will see you again. In this lifetime. Or in heaven. Or both, please.

The House that Built Me

2011-05-03T19:20:00.000-07:00

This month is a marker for me and my family. We will sell the house that I have called home for 48 years. It is the only home I have ever known. My parents were raised in Powhatan, VA but moved to Culpeper after my Daddy graduated from the State Police Academy. My sister, Jojuan, was the only child then. Up until I was born, my family lived in several places. All of these my sisters can recall. Not me. I moved into the home my parents built in 1963. I was one.

The memories of this home are many. Stacked upon each other like a decadent dessert, the memories are rich. So rich. So very, very rich.

I am having a hard time letting go. This is very hard for me. This house represents the last tangible thing I have of my parents. The finality of it all is hitting me hard. I don't know what to do with these emotions. No more birthdays here. No more Christmases celebrated here.

I am a tactile person. I want to run my hands down the walls. I want to feel the crayon marks on the back of the bedroom door that to this day, has my height recorded on it since I was small. The last time I marked my height on same door? 2010.

My favorite pet is buried here. I sleep better here than any other place on earth. I feel peace here.

Is a house a home? Or is it the people that make it so? My head says it is just a structure. My heart says otherwise. Will I reconcile the two?

Will anyone remember the Lawson Family that occupied this dwelling for 48 years? Will the new owners find love, peace and contentment here?

Will children play in the yard? Will they keep the grass mowed? My Daddy kept a nice yard.
My Momma planted flowers.

10393--you have been good to me. This is the house that built me.

Just Can't Do It

2010-06-28T19:50:00.000-07:00

I really want to post about my life lately. Really want to put into print my emotions. At this juncture, I just can't do it. Something about putting it into writing seems so concrete. So final.
I just can't do it.
Maybe soon.
Maybe not.
Don't know.....and I guess that's ok.

I'll leave this instead:

I cannot read His future plans;

But this I know;

I have the smiling of His face

And all the refuge of His grace

While here below, while here below.

Enough! This covers all my wants!

And so I rest.

For what I cannot, He can see.

And in His care, I saved shall be.

Forever blest, forever blest.

--George Stebbins

Offering

2010-05-11T07:13:00.000-07:00

This past Sunday, my pastor Brian Hughes, taught about money. Specifically about our money and living generously.

Mine.

Yours.

It is a hard subject both for him to teach (by his own admission) and for us to hear. It is NOT ours. We spend our money as if it is...but it is not. We would never dream of spending somone else's money recklessly or at all. Why don't we look at our own money that way? But we will throw ours away on foolish things when we are really throwing away GOD's money on such things.

Bigger this, bigger that. More of this, more of that. Designer this, designer that.

I know that today, in this economy, things are hard. Families are struggling. People are struggling to make ends meet. Maybe we are not quite as reckless as we have been in the past. But are we still spending on temporal things? or Kingdom things?

I guess it really boils down to faith and trust. That is what is really about. Faith that God means EVERYTHING He says in the bible, not just parts of it. If we believe some of it, we really must believe all of it.

I am reminded of the passage in Matthew 6:26:

"26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?

OR this one:

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this, says the Lord Almighty and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." Malachi 3:10

Today I am challenged. Hope you are too.

2 Samuel 24:24

" I will not offer burnt offerings to the LORD my God that cost me nothing.”

2010-05-10T18:07:00.001-07:00

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong, a perfect plea:
A great High Priest, whose name is Love,
Who ever lives and pleads for me.

My name is graven on his hands,
My name is written on his heart;
I know that while in heaven he stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
No tongue can bid me thence depart.

When Satan tempts me to despair,
And tells me of the guilt within,
Upward I look, and see him there
Who made an end of all my sin.

Because a sinless Savior died,
My sinful soul is counted free;
For God, the Just, is satisfied
To look on Him and pardon me
To look on Him and pardon me

Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Praise the One,
Risen Son of God!

Behold him there, the risen Lamb
My perfect, spotless righteousness,
The great unchangeable I AM,
The King of glory and of grace!

One in himself, I cannot die
My soul is purchased by his blood
My life is hid with Christ on high,
With Christ, my Savior and my God
With Christ, my Savior and my God

(Before the Throne of God)

How many times can a person claim bankruptcy?

2010-04-20T19:13:00.000-07:00

It is hard for me to imagine that 2 years ago, I posted a blog entry about my Daddy's failing health. In light of where my Daddy's health is right now, I really am in emotional bankruptcy again.

But once again, my friends and my God continue to "deposit" in me a sense of peace and strength for the day.

I am publishing my other "Daddy" post here again so I can be reminded of his faithfulness both then and now.

p.s The one picture is of my father when he graduated from the State Police Academy (He looks too nice and handsome to write anyone a ticket). And the other picture I took of him 2 years ago when I first wrote of his health issues.

Emotional Bankruptcy

It is very distressing when people you love are struggling. For me, it is much harder to watch my family members struggle than when I am in a struggle myself. I would much rather be the one that is suffering. I am a people pleaser by nature. I like to make other's load seem lighter. It is what I am wired to do. And when it is what you are wired to do and yet you cannot seem to fix it--it is very overwhelming.

My father has so many struggles. A heart condition, diabetes, lymphoma, a degenerated hip that cannot be fixed, some dementia and a new diagnosis of Alzheimers. His hip causes him so much pain that he has a implanted pain pump that delivers enough meds to knock over a large cow, I'm sure..and yet, he still has pain. He has to augment this pain pump with oral pain meds from time to time which only adds to his moods being altered.

My father's struggles dominate the life of my stepmom who is his caregiver. Her days are filled with caring for him and little time to herself. Most of the time she is up to the task. Some days, she just can't take it anymore. Recently, that has been the case. And as his children, we have been left with the panic and anxiety that goes along with sorting out the future. Many questions. Many concerns for both Daddy and Momma Mary.

I feel like I am plunging into emotional bankruptcy.

I watched my mother fight leukemia for 10 years as my father held the role of caregiver. I didn't think I would survive her death. I literally thought it would cost me my life, the inability to take my next breath without my Mom. Of course that is not the case, God gives live and breath. But it is how I felt. I was a young single Mom and very desperate at the thought of losing her. And now, I am here watching my Daddy struggle in the same way.

In it all, THANK YOU God for gently reminding me of these things:

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Josh. 1:9

"Blessed be GOD- he heard me praying. He proved He's on my side; I've thrown my lot in with Him Now I'm jumping for joy and shouting and singing my thanks to Him." Psalm 28:7 (Msg)

"Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10b

"I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121;1-2

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
Phil. 4:6-7

Thank you God for making deposits into my soul through your Word and saving me from certain emotional bankruptcy.

Check Us Out!!

2010-01-30T09:55:00.000-08:00

We're snowed in...

BUMMER.

Church is NOT cancelled!

WHAT? you say

Check us out tomorrow! This should be fun!

11 a.m. Don't be late!

Find the site now at www.ustream.tv/channel/pcconline. You can go ahead and log-in to enable chat and you'll be ready for tomorrow!

So Proud!

2009-11-18T20:42:00.000-08:00

Check out my youngest son's blog

www.elijahschhh.blogspot.com

Love,

A very proud Mom

A Ram is on the Way

2009-10-20T06:30:00.001-07:00

This morning during our production meeting, our team was discussing the attributes of God. We were filling in the blank. God is..............
God is safe
God is dangerous
God is boundless
God is powerful
God is mercy
God is...on and on
God is.

During our discussion we turned to the image of God being provider. And that discussion turned to money. And thithing. Some tough questions, thoughts and biblical truths were being woven into the converstation. In light of our unstable ecomony, loss of income, foreclosures, escalating debt and fears--this converstation became uncomfortable (God is dangerous) and very convicting.

And then I came home to this e-devotional. Very appropriate. No matter your situation.....A RAM IS COMING. Just like with Abraham, it was walking up the mountian just as he was. God...providing an answer. God...providing a way. God. Providing.

I have posted it here. Enjoy. A Ram is on the Way!

"So Abraham called that place The LORD Will Provide. And to this day it is said, 'On the mountain of the LORD it will be provided.'" Genesis 22:14 (NIV)

Have you ever been in a situation so desperate that it looked hopeless?Have you ever sat at the kitchen table wondering how you were going to pay the electric bill? Have you ever stood at a door that's been slammed in your face by an angry teenager and despaired at ever having a relationship with him again? Have you ever had your heart broken so deeply that you wondered if you would ever feel whole again? Sadly, we live in a broken world where desperate situations happen every day. I know someone reading this devotion is wondering how she will make it through the day because her situation looks hopeless. If that is you, I encourage you to keep reading. I believe God has a message of hope for you today.That message is found in the Bible, in the story of a man who was dealing with his own desperate situation. His name was Abraham and he faced the greatest testing of his life. After longing for a son for many years, God finally gave Abraham a boy, whom he named Isaac. Abraham never imagined God would test his faith by asking him to sacrifice his son. But it happened. It had to have been the darkest day of Abraham's life as he trudged up the mountain, with firewood strapped to his son's back. Every step took Abraham closer to what he believed to be the sad ending of a hopeless situation – the death of his son. Yet in spite of his sorrow, Abraham trusted God. His heart wasn't soaring with joy. He wasn't dancing up the mountain. But he put one foot in front of the other. Walking through the darkness of the situation; obeying His God's commands. Unbeknownst to Abraham, something else was walking up that mountain. Quietly. Out of sight. On the other side of the mountain. Something else was putting one foot in front of the other. Only Abraham couldn't see it. For every step Abraham took, a ram on the other side of the mountain took a step. All Abraham saw that day was his solitary journey of pain. As he got closer to the top of the mountain, his dread must have increased. I wonder if he asked himself any questions. I would have. I would have wondered why hadn't God intervened? Why hadn't God stopped this testing? Couldn't God see that Abraham was a man of faith? Why test him in this way? But there was no answer. There was no voice from heaven. And so Abraham kept obeying his God's command. He put Isaac on an altar and prepared to sacrifice his one and only son.And just at that very moment, at the very last second, when it looked like the end had come, God spoke, stopping the sacrifice. Abraham looked up and there caught in the thicket was a ram. Abraham took his son off the altar, replaced him with the ram, and offered the sacrifice to God. Abraham named that place "Yahweh-Yireh" or "The Lord Will Provide." And the story was written down for generations of God-followers to read. It was written so that you and I today would read it as we face our own hopeless situations. It was captured in print so that you and I would know that God is already planning for our provision. We don't see it. We don't hear it. But we can trust that our God is at work. On your behalf, and on mine.

I choose to trust God today. A ram is on the way.

(author: Glynnis Whitwer
emphasis mine)

Your Identity

2009-10-06T06:11:00.000-07:00

Our Church (www.powhatancc.org) is doing a church wide study for 6 weeks called WIRED for Life. This study is unique in that it was written by the staff of our church for our church. I have found this study to be really engaging and PERSONAL. For someone like me, who sometimes finds it hard to believe that God would really love ME...it has been very very PERSONAL. I need reminding of who I am in Christ. So...for any of you who might deal with thoughts of being insufficient, underserving, inadequate and overcome with your "history"--be reminded of who you are in Christ!
In Christ you are…
• God’s beloved child (Jn 1:12: Eph 1:5)
• Christ’s dear friend (Jn 15:5)
• Declared perfectly righteous (“justified”) (Rom 5:1)
• Free from condemnation (Rom 8:1; Col 2:14-16)
• United with Christ, “one spirit” with Christ (I Cor 6:17; Eph 5:31)
• A member of Christ’s body (I Cor 6:15/ 12:27)
• The Temple of God (I Cor 6:19)
• Filled with the “fullness of God” (Eph 3:19)
• A “holy one” [saint] (Eph 1:1)
• Blessed with every spiritual blessing (Eph 1:3)
• Holy and blameless (Eph 1:4)
• Bought with an infinite price and forgiven (I Cor 6: 20; Eph 1:7; Col 1:14)
• Bathed with wisdom and understanding (Eph 1:8)
• The recipient of an eternal, infinitely rich, inheritance (Eph 1:11, 18)
• Possessed with the mind of Christ (I Cor 2:16)
• Inseparable form God’s love (Rom 8:35-39)
• One who will NEVER be abandoned (Mt 28:20)
• The beautiful bride of Christ who “ravishes” the heart of God (Song of Songs, 4:1ff; 6:4ff).
• One over whom the Lord rejoices, sings and claps his hands(Zeph 3:17)
• One for whom the Lord throws a party (Zeph 3:17; Lk 15:7-10)
• A recipient of God’s own peace (Jn 14:27)
• Filled with the peace and joy of God (Rom 14:17)
• One in whom Christ’s joy is fulfilled (Jn 15:11)
• Given direct access to the Father by the Holy Spirit (Eph 2:18)
• Seated with Christ in heavenly realms (Eph 2:6)
• Seated “far above all rule and authority and power and dominion” with Christ (Eph 1:21).
• Hid in Christ in heavenly realms (Col 3:1-5)
• Crucified, Buried and Raised with Christ (Rom 6:1-11)
• Made perfect forever (Heb 10:14)
• Made complete in Christ (Col 2:10)
• Indwelled by a fearless Spirit (2 Tim 1:7)
• One of God’s precious works of art (Eph 2:10)
• Indwelt by a spirit of power, love and stability (2 Tim 1:7)
• A citizen of heaven (Phil 3:20)
• One in whom God is working to bring good out of evil (Rom 8:28)
• Salt of the earth (Mt 5:13)
• A branch chosen to bear fruit (Jn 15:16)
• A co-worker with God (I Cor 3:9)
• An ambassador of Christ and minister of reconciliation (2 Cor 5:17-20)
• A priest of the most high God ( I Pet 2:5-9)
• More than a conqueror in all things (Rom 8:37)
• One who knows Satan is a disarmed laughing stock (Col 2:14-15).
• One who knows the truth and is set free (Jn 8:32).
• One who can do all things in Christ (Phil 4:13)

AMEN!!!

PS 22 Chorus Check these kids out!

2009-04-24T18:07:00.002-07:00

So...many of you may already know about this group but this is a new discovery for me. They are incredilbe! But am really inspired by their teacher! Don't know who this guy is but we need more teachers like him! Incredibly gifted, overflowing with compassion...this guy loves his job! It oozes out of him. Should I mention that these kids are only 5th graders!?! They are intercity school kids from NYC! Check out more of their videos on You Tube.

Called Out

2009-01-12T05:17:00.000-08:00

As I prepare this morning to leave on a pre-project trip for my summer IWC assignment, I had to pause and spend a little quiet time with God. The house is quiet, I can hear birds singing outside, the sun is shining and God is here.

I picked up my book The Barbarian Way by Erwin McManus. I flipped the pages and came to this:

"Just do whatever Jesus calls you to do the moment it is clear to you. Do not procrastinate; do not hesitate; do not deviate from whatever course of action He calls you to. But I want to warn you, the closer you walk with Christ, the greater the faith required. The more you trust Him, the more you'll risk on his behalf. The more you love Him, the more you will love others. If you genuinely embrace His sacrifice, you will joyfully embrace a sacrificial life. Your expectations of Jesus will change as your intimacy with Him deepens. When you begin to follow after Jesus, you will inadvertently find yourself innovating. After all, Jesus is trasnforming lives, writing history, creating the future, and unleashing the Kingdom of God. If you plan to keep step with Jesus the Pioneer, you better expect some changes."

This really spoke to me this morning. This project this summer is very different than any I have done before. I have become comfortable in the projects I have done in the past--confident in the skills God has given me to carry out the ministry end of a project. Today, I think God was reminding me that I am going to have to be an innovator of sorts..trying new things..looking in new directions to be effective this summer. My encouragement comes with knowing that Jesus is an innovator and is transforming lives around me everyday. My church is innovative..changing our community everyday. IWC is innovative..impacting the lives of students.

Jesus- give me your eyes to see the needs around me; give me your heart to love these like you do; give me your vision for the local church and your work being done there; give me your creative and innovative spirit that I might find THE most effective means to share your name in all I do.

I want to be a risk taker. I want to impact the world for Your namesake and for Your kingdom. I want to love You with intensity. I want to be consumed by your presence.

I want to be a part of making Your name famous in Macedonia.

Hello...my name is GRATITUDE

2009-01-04T16:02:00.001-08:00

It has been such a long time since I have posted anything here. I have been so busy here at the end of the year with the holiday and all things that come with it. But as we begin 2009, I have been thinking about 2008. No doubt that this year has brought it challenges! However, I cannot help but think of all the things that I have been blessed with..........therefore I have determined that my name is GRATITUDE.

Hello Anxiety....my name is Gratitude. While you try to dominate my life with your naggings of finances in a time of economic instability...I am grateful. Unlike many in the world, I have a roof over my head. I have heat. I have a switch that I flip and the lights come on. I have this big metal thing that automatically fills with clean water and it swirls around and my clothes come out clean. I also have this other metal thing that spins around and my clean wet clothes come out dry. I have yet another metal thing that has wheels. It takes me to a job, to the doctor when we are sick. It takes me to church, school, the grocery store, the park and to my Daddy's house. I also have a shiny silver thing that you turn the knob on and clean drinking water comes out.

MY NAME IS GRATITUDE.

Hello Fear....my name is Gratitude. When you try to paralyze me with your taunts...I am grateful. I am grateful for the peace that God speaks over me when I ask for it. When my youngest son travels halfway across the world in a big metal thing that cruises 37,000 feet in the air, I am grateful for a God who loves him more than I do. When my two other sons come and go back and forth from college and work, I am grateful that they arrive safely. I am grateful that they have big metal things with wheels. Fear....when you try and overcome me with your choking feeling over the loss of my husband's job--I am grateful that he had one in the first place. And that I still have mine. I think of poor children in Rowanda who break rocks all day to earn a meager wage to support their families...denied of an education to perform this job, they have no hope of a better life.

MY NAME IS GRATITUDE.

Hello Pride....my name is Gratitude. When you try to blind me and distort my thoughts...I am grateful. Grateful to a God who gently reminds me that pride has no place in our lives. We are who we are only because of Him. And because He loved us first. I am grateful for friends and family who can hold me accountable. When I begin to think that I am "all that"--I am grateful for ANY reminder that shows me that I am not. No matter how embarrassing the reminder might be. Because Pride, MY NAME IS GRATITUDE.

Hello anything that seperates me from God...my name is Gratitude. When I become romanced by your good looks and enticing ways, I am grateful. Grateful that I know the difference. Grateful that I have become mature enough to know your ways and to not succomb to them. Grateful that I can recognize you a million miles away--most of the time. And when I can't, I become acutely aware of the ONE thing for which I am MOST grateful. Matter of fact, I am overwhelmed with gratitude over this One thing. I simply cannot describe my gratitude for this One thing. This One thing IS my everything. This One thing is the axis on which my world pivots. This One thing gives me hope for 2009 and security for my future. This One thing gives my life purpose and meaning. This One thing is how I measure my life and my love for family. This One thing for which I am eternally grateful is this......

Jesus Christ.

The One.

The Only.

Hello Jesus....My name is Gratitude.

2008-11-25T16:50:00.000-08:00

My **new* January schedule:

Richmond to Washington/Dulles
Washington/Dulles to Vienna
Vienna to Prague
Prague to Budapest
Budapest to Skopje, Macedonia
Skopje, Macedonia to Vienna
Vienna to Washington/Dulles
Washington/Dulles to Vienna

I have always wanted to go to Austria and run across the green hills singing all my Sound of Music favorites....My layover is only two hours. I might have to run down the shiny polished floors in the airport instead. Wonder if that will cause any crazy looks?

Oh...did I mention that I hate to fly? And I just gained an extra leg?

Zechariah 4:6

2008-11-21T18:20:00.000-08:00

My January Schedule:

Richmond to New York
New York to Prague
Prague to Budapest
Budapest to Skopje
Skopje to Zurich
Zurich to Atlanta
Atlanta to Richmond
________________
7 flights
11,058 miles
One purpose:
Jesus

What I did Monday Night...

2008-11-05T17:26:00.001-08:00

What a thrill!!! What a chance of a lifetime!!! I can cross this off my bucket list although I hope it is not the last time I get to go to a Redskins game!

Yes, Andy and I were at FedEx field on Monday night for the Redskins vs. Steelers game. I am a diehard 'skins fan...and Andy is a diehard Steelers fan.

I only wish the outcome would have been different.

This happened too much.....

And this happened too much....

And there were too many of these twirling yellow things...

But I still llloooooovvvvvveeeee my skins!

Goblins and Ghouls!

2008-10-31T17:12:00.001-07:00

Happy Halloween!
I love answering my door to see what goblins and ghouls are visiting me! Princesses, Grim Reaper, witches, Power Rangers (well...maybe not but I am not up on the current cartoons since all my kids are grown but they kinda looked like Power Rangers), etc. I even had "Slash" from Guns 'n Roses! I could not believe the 10 year old who was dressed up as him even knew who he was!

I always look forward to seeing the two boys who live next door (pictured below). Phillip (far right) would be upset that the flash allowed me to see his face...or would he? He IS smiling for the camera, after all!

Elijah threw together a wizard outfit in about 5 minutes from some stuff we found in the attic. Do wizards use cellphones? I guess the wizard on the Verizon commerical does...so why can't this wizard?

My cousins always come by the house to see me! I love it when they come! Their older sister is too old to trick or treat now and so I just get the two younger ones! Aren't they cute? Too much fun!

Just had two more trick or treaters ring the doorbell. Buzz Lightyear was so tired that he was leaning against his grandmother saying "I'm tired...can we finish now?"

priceless........................

Happy Birthday Elijah!

2008-10-28T19:13:00.000-07:00

It has been a long time since I blogged last but what a great day to return! Today my baby turned 18 years old! Can that be true? Can it really have been 18 years ago today that I delivered this boy in an ambulance on the side of the road? Ummmm...excuse me....do you think you could pull this squad over? This baby is coming on it's own and there is nothing I can do about it!! And that he did...1...2...3.....baby delivered. On a beautiful fall day in front of Henry's Market! I'll never forget the squad driver calling JW over the radio and telling them that the "eagle had landed!"

And look at him now.............................love this boy! Should have named him "Henry"

My Jack is Baaaccckkk!

2008-09-28T15:18:00.001-07:00

I've been waiting for this day!! This is the ONLY show that I stop what I am doing (well, besides some Redskin football) and actually sit down to watch! And if I'm not at home.....yes, I record it with my DVR! I know what I am doing November 23rd!
Wanna come over?

A Holy Vessel? YES!!!

2008-09-17T20:08:00.000-07:00

I attend a weekly Bible study group that has been together for many years. These are amazing women that I would count as some of my closest friends. I can always count on them to speak truth over me.

We are currently in the Beth Moore study on the book of Daniel. Last night's lesson was particularly powerful for me.

We were studying about Belshazzar (Nebuchandnezzar's grandson) who threw a small party for a thousand nobles, his wives and his concubines. As the evening progressed and they had indulged quite a bit of wine (can you say drunk??), Belshazzar ordered the gold and silver goblets that had been taken from the temple of God to be brought in so that they could all drink from them. And as they drank, they praised the gods of gold, silver, bronze, iron, etc.

In other words (and as Beth puts it) "Belshazzar made the grievous mistake of treating the holy as unholy." Something that had been conscreated by God or "set aside and reserved exclusively for God" had been treated as common and vile.

Then Beth made this comparison:

We, too, are holy vessels in the house of the Lord. Something holy is "that which has been brought into relationship with God and designated by Him as having a sacred purpose."

Many of us do not accept ourselves as holy or that we have a sacred purpose. Nothing is more to Satan's advantage than you not to see yourself as holy because you're gonna act as you feel. And if I don't feel holy or believe it to be true, I am opening myself up to unholy matters, or actions, or attitudes, or feelings, etc.

I have a sacred purpose. I am holy.

2 Corinthians 1:21 -22 says:

"...He anointed us, set His seal of ownership on us, and put His Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come."

I love that! He put His Spirit in our hearts as a deposit!
I'm on lay-away!!
God has bought me and he is "guaranteeing" that He is destined to complete it.

This lesson especially spoke to me because I often fall into the trap of self-depreciation. Many times, in the playings of my own mind, I allow the enemy to tell me that I am the ONE person in all of humankind that God is supremely dissappointed in and that He is indifferent toward me. Now I know this is not true but I allow the enemy to push that button with me over and over again.

So...Beth had us repeat this pledge, inserting our names and saying it loud and proud! I had a hard time saying it loud because I was choking back tears. But I believe it and I am going to post it on my refrigerator for a daily reminder.

I am posting it here and if you feel so inclined, insert your name and say it loud like you mean it!
'cuz it's true!

I, ____________, belong to God.
I am a holy vessel because I house the Holy Spirit of the living God.
The Lord of heaven and earth has said over me, "I declare you holy."
Today I commit to start believing what He says.

I am holy!

Empower me daily, Spirit of the Living God, to treat myself as holy.
Open my eyes to every scheme of the enemy to treat me as if I'm not.

You, God, are God!
Your word is truth.
This day, Father, I chose to believe you!

In Jesus name, Amen and Amen!

Christmas in September???

2008-09-09T18:46:00.000-07:00

Tonight, a few from the youth group came to the house and we celebrated Christmas!! WHAT??? Yes, we celebrated Christmas by making handcrafted Christmas cards to sell for our Youth Group. Creativity was rampant in my dining room as we laughed and glued! All proceeds will go to Youth Fundraising account to help fund retreats and scholarships for kids who cannot afford some of our activities!

Aren't they beautiful???

We suckered Elijah to join in on the fun! And he created some pretty impressive cards, eh?

Merry Christmas! 107 days left to go!

Rainy Day Passtime and Generation Gap

2008-09-06T16:12:00.000-07:00

Our rainy day event today was Cranium. I was invited to play with the 5 other guys hanging out at my house today. Josiah and I have been Pictionary partners before and we SMOKED the other teams so....today we partnered up again....and WON again!!
But I must say, it is pretty funny for a 45 year old to play with 16 and 17 year olds.

For example, my partner had NO IDEA who "The Fonz" was when I kept saying "eeehhhhh" with my thumbs up in the air. And Elijah had to guess Ed McMahon by Vance getting him to guess "Ed" from a current cartoon and "McMahon" from Vance humming "Old MACDONALD". Somehow he knew Ed McMahon's name enough to pull it off. Maybe it was his recent brush with the news when his house went into foreclosure??? Either way...he knew the name but had not a clue as to what had made him famous.

John Wayne proved to be a difficult person for the "younger generation" to describe as well. No one knew his famous line "Well I gotta tell ya, little pilgrim." They only knew him from his name being mentioned in a recent Jackie Chan movie.

None of these examples gave me an advantage because my partner was a 17 year old.

But it was a day full of good clean fun and lots of laughs!

Especially for this old fart.......

I LOVE this boy!

2008-09-03T19:47:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe that in 9 short months, this child (my youngest) will graduate High School and forever close this chapter of my life! I AM NOT READY FOR THIS!! An empty nester? That is not in my vocabulary!!

It was so hard to watch the other two boys walk out the door on their journey "post High School". Yes, they come home every summer and Jared has taken this semester off and is currently at home working...BUT, it is not the same.

I cannot stop this train, I know. But I would love to somehow make it slow down....

I long for the day of kissing scraped knees, reading books at bedtime, wrestling on the floor, carrying them when they are too tired to walk, drying little tears and all the little Mommy things!

Thank you God for allowing me to be their Mom! It is truly my greatest joy!

Keep Chasin' Me!

2008-08-26T19:10:00.000-07:00

If I ascend into the sky

Or hide behind the night

I can not run

Your love is chasing me

--Leeland

the C word

2008-08-22T18:15:00.001-07:00

At first glance and maybe longer, this is a beautiful picture. But this picture is of a life destroyer..a dream killer...a hope squasher....a paramount struggle....a ferocious battle...a true enemy--the enemy within.

This is a picture of cancer. Specifically, this is colon cancer. It was my Aunt Jean's diagnosis today.

Suddenly this picture is ugly. Incredibly ugly.

Pray for Jean.

True Friend

2008-08-19T19:06:00.001-07:00

Elijah's friend Vance has been here all day (except when he left to go to football practice) sitting with Elijah while he recovers....

now THIS is a true friend!

So far...So Good

2008-08-19T16:02:00.000-07:00

Today Elijah had all 4 wisdom teeth removed. So far...so good. Looks pretty good, eh?

The day started with a meeting at 7 am. I sit on the production team at our church and I get to evaluate and celebrate the service from the previous Sunday. Afterward we talk about upcooming services, sermon series and desired outcomes. I had considered missing this meeting with E's surgery pending this morning. I am so glad I didn't. I need the people I sit at the table with on Tuesday mornings. Even if my mind was 1,000 other places, I was glad I went. Not sure if I contributed a thing but I am glad I was there nonetheless.

After leaving the meeting, I ran by the house and made 2 bowls of jello and 1 bowl of pudding. Now--we are ready to conquer the wrath of oral surgery!! We packed up and headed to Midlothian.

The funniest thing that happened was in the waiting room. Elijah and I arrived to a somewhat empty waiting room and then they starting coming....one by one.....we became surrounded by pre-medicated patients. I had opted NOT to give Elijah the prescribed diazepam. I am so glad I did! These teenagers were HIGH out of their minds! Some could not sit upright in the chair, others were being loud and giggly while their parent wanted to crawl under their seat. Others had slurred speech and kept wanting to break the "turn off your cellphone" rule. It was quite the scene!

Elijah and I just kept looking at each other like "What on God's green earth is going on here????"

Anyway...Elijah went through his procedure just fine. Didn't say too many hysterical things for me to post here. He did keep asking me if someone "carried" him into the post procedure room because he does not remember walking!

No, Elijah. You walked. I promise.

After we got home, Sarah brought him a milkshake which was awesome of her.

Right now there are 8 friends hanging out in the living room watching a movie with him.

We are keeping on the ice and will continue that regimen all through the night. No pain meds. Only good 'ol ibuprofen and an antibiotic.

Thanks for all the concern and the prayers! God is good!

Go USA!

2008-08-18T21:04:00.001-07:00

USA vs. Brazil
Given my love of Brazil (my blog header pic is in my "home away from home" Salvador, Brazil)--this will be a tough one! I feel so torn!

But I am American...and I will be cheering for the US Women's team as they step out on the pitch later this week! Go Team!!

I sure hope I get whatever channel will be showing this. And what's up with that???? I can watch trampoline finals but the women's soccer gold medal round is not on NBC?? I don't get it. Somebody explain, please.

p.s. I'm sure I won't resist cheering on the blue, yellow & green from time to time. They are American, too! SOUTH American!

Emotional Bankruptcy

2008-08-15T07:12:00.000-07:00

It is very distressing when people you love are struggling. For me, it is much harder to watch my family members struggle than when I am in a struggle myself. I would much rather be the one that is suffering. I am a people pleaser by nature. I like to make other's load seem lighter. It is what I am wired to do. And when it is what you are wired to do and yet you cannot seem to fix it--it is very overwhelming.

My father has so many struggles. A heart condition, diabetes, lymphoma, a degenerated hip that cannot be fixed, some dementia and a new diagnosis of Alzheimers. His hip causes him so much pain that he has a implanted pain pump that delivers enough meds to knock over a large cow, I'm sure..and yet, he still has pain. He has to augment this pain pump with oral pain meds from time to time which only adds to his moods being altered.

My father's struggles dominate the life of my stepmom who is his caregiver. Her days are filled with caring for him and little time to herself. Most of the time she is up to the task. Some days, she just can't take it anymore. Recently, that has been the case. And as his children, we have been left with the panic and anxiety that goes along with sorting out the future. Many questions. Many concerns for both Daddy and Momma Mary.

I feel like I am plunging into emotional bankruptcy.

I watched my mother fight leukemia for 10 years as my father held the role of caregiver. I didn't think I would survive her death. I literally thought it would cost me my life, the inability to take my next breath without my Mom. Of course that is not the case, God gives live and breath. But it is how I felt. I was a young single Mom and very desperate at the thought of losing her. And now, I am here watching my Daddy struggle in the same way.

In it all, THANK YOU God for gently reminding me of these things:

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Josh. 1:9

"Blessed be GOD- he heard me praying. He proved He's on my side; I've thrown my lot in with Him Now I'm jumping for joy and shouting and singing my thanks to Him." Psalm 28:7 (Msg)

"Do not be grieved, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." Neh. 8:10b

"I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; from where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, maker of heaven and earth." Psalm 121;1-2

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Phil. 4:6-7

Thank you God for making deposits into my soul through your Word and saving me from certain emotional bankruptcy.

Oh What a Time!

2008-08-03T13:15:00.001-07:00

So, yesterday was the day!! Ashleigh and Scott's wedding reception. Everything about it was perfect! The reception hall was transformed into a tropical oasis. The bridge and groom looked great and fun was had by all. It was just so special to spend time with my family. I hardly ever get to spend time with my husband and three boys all together but to have my entire family (minus one brother-in-law who was sick) together was priceless!
The mother (my sis Judy) and the bride in a mother/daughter moment

Ashleigh and Judy in their now famous sunglasses and pose

My husband, Andy looking very handsome

The three best boys in the world, our sons.

Jared and Elijah chill before the wedding
Kong, Jessica and me

The father of the bride (Robert) and my Daddy

My Daddy really enjoyed "dancing" with all the ladies!

Jessica joins her Paw-Paw on the dance floor for a slow dance. Precious.

The tropical paradise

Elijah and Jared tear up the dance floor

My Daddy's sisters, Jean and Clara

Zach, me and ElijahMy brother Jay and his wife, JenniferJessica and my precious Aunt Dora Dean. She bought this dress in Hawaii many years ago and had never worn it. She pulled it out of her trunk for the tropical themed reception! Isn't she special?My two sisters......LOVE THEM!

Mr. Handsome, Elijah

Nephews Joseph and Justin chat it up with Uncle Robert

Celebrate Good Times, Come On!!

2008-07-29T09:15:00.000-07:00

This Saturday we are heading to my hometown of Culpeper to celebrate the wedding of my neice. She and her husband, Scott, were married on July 4th in Mexico. Saturday is a reception back home for friends and family. I am sharing some of their beautiful wedding pics here and I hope to have lots more to share from the reception!

Good Times. Wish I could have been there.

My sister, Judy (mother of the bride) and her daughter AshleighMy brother-in-law escorting his daughter to the gazeboMy neice, Jessica (far left) and my nephew Justin in the middle, looking quite emotional. The bride and groom with my neices and nephew Jessica, Justin and Janel The family of the bride (from left) my nephew Joseph, the Bride and Groom, my brother-in-law Robert and my sissy, Judy.

Can Camp Change a Life?

2008-07-29T08:03:00.000-07:00

I spent an amazing week at camp with the youth of my church, Powhatan Community. Our focus of study at camp was the Millennium Development Goals (MDG's) that were set by the United Nations in the year 2000 to eradicate injustices around the world. Some of the goals are:
Eradicate Extreme Poverty & Hunger
Achieve Universal Primary Education
Promote Gender Equality and Empower Women
Reduce Child Mortality
Improve Maternal Health
Combat HIV/AIDS, Malaria and other Diseases

Each evening we spent time, as a church, processing our day. One of my favorite observations from a rising 9th grader (pictured above) was this:

When asked "What are you taking home with you?"
He answered, "I saw God through the kids I worked with all week.....they were so happy and accepting of me. What I will take home with me is that camp can change your life."

The picture of Corey here is priceless to me. The contentment of the child in his arms is evident. These were children who were in a YWCA daycare that our campers helped run. Many children just "showed up" without parental escort, some as young as 2 years old. They wandered back to their homes at the end of the day, again without a parent present. Corey and the others showed them the love of Jesus.

My prayers are that these children will come to know their real Daddy who never leaves them to wander. Only He gives purpose and true contentment.

Corey, I agree. I think camp can change a life.

Off to Camp (again)

2008-07-18T19:51:00.000-07:00

In two days I will be heading off to youth camp with 14 others from my church. This is the second trip I will have done this summer with the youth. This trip is more of a camp as opposed to a "mission" like we did with World Changers last month.

Passways is a camp where youth can choose a "track" that best speaks to their gifts, talents and how they connect with God. I am really looking forward to seeing how God speaks to each student through their own "taylor-made" experience.

If you want to come along on this adventure with me, I will be blogging here:

http://www.pccpassways.blogspot.com/

Otherwise, I'll see you in a week!!

Hangin' With the Youth

2008-07-13T20:10:00.000-07:00

Tonight I spent the evening hanging with about 25 youth from Powhatan Community Church at Windy Hill. Windy Hill is a local sports complex that has Putt-Putt, an 9 hole course, Go-Karts, batting cages, driving ranges, etc. etc. As a group we decided to ride the Go-Karts and play a round of Putt-Putt.

I don't think we impressed anyone with our mad driving skills or our stellar putting but WE HAD FUN!!

I love volunteering with the youth.

It keeps me feeling young

It keeps me humble

And it most definately keeps me LAUGHING!!

The Happy Couple

2008-07-10T19:13:00.001-07:00

Ashleigh (my niece) and Scott Found
7-04-2008
Puerto Juarez, Mexico

Happy Fourth of July!

2008-07-04T20:01:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of JULY!!!

My cousin Mike and his wife Renee have a Fourth of July celebration that is pretty unbelieveable! Hundreds of folks invade his property for fun, food, music and of course....FIREWORKS! And I am not talking smokebombs and sparklers....
The event started as a birthday tribute to Renee's grandfather who celebrated his 90th year tonight. The celebration has become quite the event over the years and now it is THE place to be.
This year some folks brought their RV for an overnight stay!

Amazing God, Amazing Times

2008-06-28T18:59:00.000-07:00

I just recently returned from a youth mission trip in Cherokee, N.C. Twenty four of us from Powhatan Community Church went with an organization called World Changers. World Changers is a student mission sending agency through the North American Mission Board. We joined approximately 300 other students from all over the country to impact the Cherokee nation with our service and our love of God. We repaired about 35 homes and made many friends. Some things we learned:

-God wants to work in us so that He can work through us

-You cannot live off the light (Christ) of someone else--that's religion; Jesus wants a relationship

-There is no limit to what God would do for you

-We do not make Jesus, Lord; He is LORD whether we acknowledge Him or not

-It is not enough to Stand up for Christ; we must STAND OUT

We also learned the importance of flexibility which is key on any mission. The saying for the week was "Oh what an opportunity!" .......an opportunity for God to prove Himself faithful.

And faithful, He was!

"In my heart you will be loved,

and in my song, be lifted up.

In my thoughts, you will be praised!

In my life you will reign.

And with every word I say

bring glory to your name-

You will reign".

-Matt Christenot (our worship leader for the week)

Ashleigh is Getting Married!

2008-06-24T14:22:00.000-07:00

Ashleigh, pictured here with my sister Judy, is getting married July 4th!!

Today, Jessica and Janel (pictured below with the bride-to-be) held a Lingerie Brunch in her honor at a precious little cafe in my hometown of Powhatan. It just so happens that this cafe used to be Yates Motor Company where both my Mom and a cousin worked 40 or so years ago.

Ashleigh and Scott are getting married on July 4th in Mexico. Eighteen family members and friends are traveling with them for 9 days of fun in the sun. Unfortunately I will not be able to attend.

We are all looking forward to a BLOW-OUT reception on August 2nd in my hometown of Culpeper, VA.

My extended family members enjoying each other

Ashleigh gets a big chuckle out of a game we played whereby someone wrote down everything Asheigh said when she opened her gifts. After all the gifts were opened, Janel read them aloud saying that these were things Ashleigh would say to Scott on their Honeymoon night. Pretty funny....."Happy Times, Happy Times" got the most laughter!

My Momma Mary and my cousin Robin share some time together.

Strike a pose, girls!

Margaret Dean is entertaining the crowd with some crazy story, for sure!

Did I mention the food?? It was fabulous!

Congratulations ASHLEIGH and SCOTT!!

I Love Louie and I love Laminin

2008-06-11T18:06:00.000-07:00

I have had the honor of hearing Louie Giglio speak many times at conferences that I have attended. I heard him give this message about a year or two ago. Amazing....worth your 8 minutes!

Some things are just WEIRD!

2008-06-05T17:10:00.000-07:00

I just HAD to post this image of my cat, Stella. She loves to "perch" on the handrail of our staircase! But..that is not my main reason for posting this pic! To me, this image looks "photoshopped!" Look at that "smile" on her face!! It really does look fake, doesn't it? She looks like some strange character from Alice In Wonderland or something. Weird!

Mom Anxiety

2008-05-30T21:23:00.001-07:00

So..I am having some (allot) of Mom anxiety over my son's band going on tour beginning tomorrow. The Half Jeffersons are going on a two week tour as a "chance of a lifetime" type of adventure. They will be traveling South for a week, come back to Richmond for a show and then travel West for a week. These are good boys but I guess I am most worried about them traveling late at night and the dangers that go along with that. I am also concerned about how good their cell service will be at campgrounds (which is primarily where they will be staying) knowing that I will get very anxious if I can't reach Jared by phone. So...all of my on-line friends...say a prayer for my son and my anxiety level! Letting go....
very hard.

i LOVE peonies!

2008-05-20T06:08:00.000-07:00

so....my peony bushes are on steroids this year!! This arrangement is just one of three arrangements in my house, I have an arrangement at work and there are still blooms on the bushes! Important to say...all these came off of two bushes! I think it must have been all the spring rain we had this year. Either way....I am loving my peonies!!!

Oh! Happy Day!

2008-05-13T06:28:00.001-07:00

Zach, my eldest son, is coming home today!! That makes me very happy. He is currently a Junior (oops--no, he is now a SENIOR) at Pennsylvania College of Art & Design where he is a photography major. This past semester was very stressful and he is looking forward to coming home and just "being".

I will be very happy to have him home as well. It has been three very long months since I hugged his neck!

WELCOME HOME ZACH!

My middle son, Jared, needs introduction since I have not done this here yet.

He is currently attending a local community college, is a terrific soccer player and plays in a band. You can check them out at: www.myspace.com/thehalfjeffersons

Happy Mother's Day

2008-05-11T12:32:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to all my friends who are Moms, soon to be Moms, have not been able to be a Mom (yet) or have decided that being a Mom isn't for them....

I salute all of you!

My day has been great! It started with a nice gift from my husband...a gardening bucket filled with great stuff like flower seeds, coffee, a coffee mug, chocolates, etc.

The boys surprised me by getting me a present that they picked out and paid for themselves...a beautiful purse!

The best surprise came in the form of a Mother's Day card that you could record a message on...Jared and Elijah simultaneously spoke a sweet message and then they called their brother who is still at college doing an internship. They had him get on speakerphone and he was able to record a message as well.

Needless to say...............i cried

Mother's Day can also be a sad occasion when we remember our Mom's who have passed on. Mom--I LOVE YOU! Kiss Jesus for me! Have you planted the red geraniums outside my mansion yet?

Start Blogging for Heavens-Sake!!

2008-05-10T18:57:00.000-07:00

So...I figured it is about time that I entered the world of blogging. I hope to communicate to my family and friends all things random and yet important to me...thoughts on life, family events and faith.

The most recent thing that has happened around here is Junior Prom 2008!

Elijah, my youngest, attended the Prom this past Friday night with his girlfriend Sarah.

He had a wonderful time! They sure looked good, didn't they? Sarah's sister Shannon and her date came to the house for pictures, too!good kids. good times.